


The Boy is Broken

by TwentyFirstCenturyJane



Category: Psych
Genre: Angst, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Passing mentions of child abuse, so many feelings!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 16:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwentyFirstCenturyJane/pseuds/TwentyFirstCenturyJane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlton has always known that there was something wrong with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Boy is Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing other than all my feelings about Lassie.  
> Set during and around 1x02 Spellingg Bee.

Carlton has always known that there was something wrong with him.

  
Knew it since the fifth grade when instead of crushing on Lydia White like the rest of the boys his age, he’d been distracted by the nerdy, dark haired form of Elliott McCoy. Knew it when his first kiss was with Jeremy Pavello when he was fourteen and it had made his lips tingle for hours afterwards.

Knew it when his father had caught that first kiss and he’d been forbidden to see Jeremy ever again…the bruises hadn’t faded for weeks, and then had been renewed for months afterwards.

Had known it the day he’d slipped a ring on Victoria’s finger.

And he knows it now, knows it deep in his soul as he watches Shawn Spencer prance around like the loon he is and finds it endearing instead of annoying.

Knows it when he sees the thick brace on Shawn’s leg, the obvious pain he’s in when he moves and all he wants to do is draw him down onto his lap and pet his hair, soothe the pain away with cuddles and soft words, and isn’t that just the dumbest possible thing he could do?

Shawn is unsteady with just one leg that bends the way it’s supposed to, and he hobbles everywhere, leaning on walls and chairs and other people for support when he grows tired. Carlton wants to prop him up, take him home, sit him down on the couch, do everything and anything to comfort and take care of the younger man.

But when Shawn stumbles a bit, and reaches out towards Carlton’s arm in a vain attempt to catch himself, Carlton steps back, flinches away from the contact. Because he’s wrong and sick and no one can know. No one can find out about this. It’ll ruin his life, his career, any and all potential professional relationships and he has Chief of Police in his sights, can’t let anyone know. (Tingling lips and bruised skin, self-loathing and fear of his dad coming home.)

It’s too much, and he has to let Shawn fall.

The pseudo-psychic skids against the tiled floor, the heels of his hands bruising and an anguished cry when his bad leg is jarred harshly, and it seems like the entire station freezes, then bursts into a flurry of activity, Buzz and Juliet are the first to react, both of them bending down to ask Shawn if he’s okay, to help him to his feet and into a chair.

Shawn isn’t saying much, just waving away the concern in his usual flippant manner, but his sharp eyes maintain their lock on Carlton, and maybe he’s projecting, but he thinks he sees hurt in the swirl of hazel, and God help him but he’s never felt so guilty in his life.

He turns, walks away, hears the bustle of McNabb offering Shawn a drink, and Shawn replying that he’s fine, and his heart twists in his chest, broken in so many different ways.

He always knew there was something wrong with him.

**Author's Note:**

> OMG I KNOW!!!! I know. I am not an angst person unless there’s a happy ending, but, but, but, Carlton was born Catholic, raised Catholic, by an obviously domineering mom and a dad that wasn’t around, and something about his dad makes me think abuser, just the way Carlton reacts to the world. And, and, and, I am so sorry, but I had to get this out.


End file.
